The Crumbling Veneer

Whoever said that keeping a journal was a good idea, apparently didn’t factor in the reality of the pitfalls of re-reading it.

Every time I go back and read through the torrid thoughts of late teenage Emma I face something different. Something I didn’t catch last time. A less than flattering angle to myself that is now revealed.

I guess it is a part of doing the work. Facing the facts that the stories you told about yourself in the moment weren’t necessarily the most truthful ones. Stories that help you save face, move on, ones that obscure your own faults.

Then there are the parts of you that you realise you discarded along the way. Swallowed whole by the demands of motherhood, a melody grown dim through disuse.

I discover threads that were always there, waiting to be seen and woven. Problems that reappear, lessons half-learned.

Facing the truth can be destabilising. Empires crumble, foundations fade. And yet, building on false narratives lends a sense of security that blinks precariously, a facade that obscures glorious brokenness.

I am flawed, messy, single-minded. Passionate, musical, creative. The disparate realities converge to create my humanity. It is forever my lot.

This post is inspired by the Five Minute Friday writing challenge. Each week I join with this talented group of writers, free writing for five minutes in accordance with a prompt (though I have sadly missed a few weeks recently). Today’s prompt is ‘discover’. 

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Cassoulet

Have you ever read Julia Child’s version of Cassoulet? It is, quite simply, insane. If you have ever attempted to make it from scratch I salute you fervently and will forever feel inadequate in your presence. The thought of soaking dry beans, buying rendered goose fat and making my own […]

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Vive la France

Aperitifs Cheese sables Cornichons Camembert Grapes Pickled onions Goat’s cheese Hot salami Paired with: Kir Royale & Champagne Main Course Coq au Vin Roast pork stuffed with apricot and rosemary Braised carrots Buttered peas French bread Paired with: Pinot Noir Dessert Chocolate Tart Almond Meringues Strawberries in Red Wine Syrup […]

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Write 31 Days: Instagram Series

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Zooming In

If you ever want to zero in on your child with fresh eyes, there is nothing quite like surgery to create the ideal conditions. Tuesday dawned. Hudson woke up bright and cheery exclaiming, ‘It’s my hospital day!’, getting dressed in record time and obligingly sipping on the half cup of […]

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Unfiltered

I hid from my weaknesses for a long time. Pouring myself into another mould – one that I could be proud of, control, contain. When the cracks began to fracture I looked away, then realised resistance would only lead to pain. My selfless helping, what I had hoped was an […]

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