The Prelude

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It is strange to think that mere days from now – all things going well – we will be cradling a brand new human in our arms. Marvelling at his features, counting fingers and toes, starting at the slightest noises. Wondering how this baby could possibly have been contained within, hidden for so long.

The creation of new life never ceases to be a mystery to me. I expect to feel things, slot into patterns, predict similarities… but the experience continues to surprise me.

As the pains grow stronger, my breath grows more strained, steps become marathon efforts and the lines around my eyes deepen, I look forwards and backwards at the same time. ‘Can it already have been nine months?’ ‘How many more hours can I endure of this?’ ‘Are you still in there?’ ‘How is it all going to play out?’ Tumbling thoughts, conflicting emotions, heightened fears.

I am becoming a shadow. Energy directed inwards, breaths taken for two. Others step up to fill the space I am creating by my emptiness. Where my identity was forged in capability, now it is erased and reformed in presence. Being surrounded by trembling bodies during the ‘scary parts’. Arms outstretched more frequently to seek hugs from my increasingly stationary being.

We are becoming. A void forming to make space for new life. I pause to soak it all in.

This post is inspired by the Five Minute Friday writing challenge. Each week I join with this talented group of writers, free writing for five minutes in accordance with a prompt. Today’s prompt is ‘empty’. 

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Mind Games

Not enough.  Whispers communicated through streaked benchtops piles of hastily stacked crockery Windows dotted with evidence of living echo ‘clean, erase, perfect’ … Not enough. Resting is lazy, dwindling the minutes as if they were a luxury ‘What did you accomplish today?’ ‘Why didn’t you go there, be that, fix […]

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Barney and the NeverEnding Party

“When is Pa’s party? Is it tonight? Tomorrow night?” For weeks now we have been fielding this question uttered excitedly from impatient lips. The night finally arrived on Saturday – the special clothes that Eli had set out for over a week now finally getting their chance to shine. We spent […]

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Lessons from the Future

Dear Emma, Take a breath. And another one. You are 35 weeks pregnant and wasting your energy huffing about not having enough energy. Sometimes you just have to let things go, sink into the couch and allow life to swirl around you. I know you aren’t good at that by […]

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A Ticket for Time Travel

There aren’t many moments in life for me that aren’t automatically filtered through a number of layers: ‘What should I be doing right now?’ ‘Who needs something from me?’ ‘What tasks are outstanding?’ I act as if on auto pilot – cleaning, responding, instructing, rescuing. It was a while ago […]

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Facing the Music

We found out last week that Hudson doesn’t, in fact, have Sleep Apnea. Or at least it isn’t severe enough to do anything about it. The Specialist who conveyed the news did so in a manner almost congratulatory, blissfully unaware that his ‘good news’ to me was an unravelling – […]

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