What makes a marriage succeed? Is it pure commitment or a penchant for peace? A genuine match of values, or a shared destination? An underlying faith in something beyond ourselves?
In January, Dave and celebrated 17 years of marriage.
Two years during that time come to mind as the most difficult. The first involved a baby with multiple health issues, a crippling lack of sleep, a shared living arrangement with another young family, a write-off car crash, a miscarriage and surgery.
The other was last year.
2021 tested all of our resolve and values. With the endless lockdowns and then the mandates, we were forced to examine everything we held to be true and figure out how to exist in a world that had seemingly gone mad.
There were debates and arguments, tears and misunderstandings. We faced opposition from every angle, including from our within one side of our extended family. We were rejected, ridiculed and mocked. Dis-invited to Christmas, gaslit and manipulated.
Yet we stand here stronger than ever.
We’ve lost employment opportunities and had to scale down our budget. Trips to the library or a restaurant are now out of the question. Our dinner table discussions have been lively and controversial. Each one of our children is unafraid of speaking their minds or asking insightful questions.
We do not live in fear.
And, in spite of all the external pressure and stresses, I’m grateful for the experience. We know more than ever what our fundamental values are and our faith has been tested and enlivened. We discovered a community of people who think deeply about life, who are committed to truth and freedom, and who love God with all their hearts.
17 years of marriage and we are an unbreakable team. Neither of us are afraid to speak out or bring up uncomfortable topics. We carefully weigh up each decision in accordance with our values. Our children are flourishing and thriving despite the pervasive anxiety that has wound its way around the rest of society.
We laugh together, work together, dream together.
When I look back at the people we were in the beginning, I see the threads of who we are today. We were passionate, idealistic and hopeful. We didn’t want to waste our life or be swept away by what our culture told us was acceptable. Our faith was youthful and real. Today, more than ever we are convinced of the faithfulness of God and His sustaining grace in our lives. We are hopeful of a great future despite the signs of fear and oppression around us.
May we continue to hold on to the eternal truths that lie beneath the surface. May we cling to the One who is the third thread in the unbreakable cord of our marriage. And may we have the humility to grant each other the freedom to grow and flourish as we navigate the ever tumultuous waters of life.
