Dave banished me from the house today.

‘Take the day to just be’, he said, ‘and don’t even think about coming back before 4:30pm. I’ve got this!’

I was equal parts terrified and excited as I set out, after attending a meeting in the morning. It felt a little foreign to consider what I want to do with time that doesn’t revolve around others’ needs. At Savers I had to continually redirect myself from the kid-related aisles, being drawn there as if by magnet. But it feels good and right to do this. There have been signs that it is an important thing to do – a number of explosively difficult days with the kids in the past few weeks, leading to realisations that I’m just not the type of person that I want to be right now. This motherhood gig is incredibly tough sometimes (a lot of the time) and if I don’t do my ‘work’, the whole family suffers.

So I’m sitting in a cafe typing away, a nagging feeling as if there is ‘something’ I should be doing… but choosing to trust that Dave has it all under control.


//The soul is in the voice, I heard

and wondered what it meant

when I chose to swallow words

or harness them to vent.


The layers that I place upon

what I really think and feel

are oft’ made of corrosive stuff

and yet I try to steel


myself against the pain

or internalise the wound

for if I cannot see it 

maybe it will prove


that on the surface I am really fine

and very good at coping

but if the words were allowed to come

they’d show evidence of doping


my feelings, taming the flame

pushing down desires

to better contain

the needs and cries


of motherhood, of always being there

for everyone else 

but struggling to take the time to 

ask what should be felt 


for me.// 


This post is inspired by the Five Minute Friday writing challenge. Each week I join with this talented group of writers, free writing for five minutes in accordance with a prompt. Today’s prompt is ‘speak’. 

Continue Reading

Virtual Reality

Have you ever experienced the sudden almost imperceptible shift of story? How everything seemed to be going smoothly and life seemed straightforward – enjoyable even – and then seemingly out of nowhere the very same place becomes stifling, depressing, seething with hidden traps? Place is such a strange concept, we […]

Continue Reading

Portals and Passageways

Do you ever notice the way that certain scents, movements, actions can transport you back in time to a particular place or memory? I’m transported vividly back to the ornate mustard-hued apartment in a Palazzo in Venice whenever I inhale Ralph by Ralph Lauren, certain yoga poses have somehow become […]

Continue Reading

Fire and Ice

I have this theory about self-awareness. It comes in waves. Circumstances suddenly arrange to reveal to us an angle to ourselves or a revelation that had henceforth been hidden. That feeling of intense discomfort and shame (the messy middle, to coin a Brene Brown term) can be so unnerving as […]

Continue Reading

Holding Steady

With one foot  I rock back and forth calm and bright a steady pace  for silvery sleep … With a loaded cart I steer  through crowded aisles and car parks Re-stocking shelves stirring pots refilling endlessly  empty bellies … With frenzied fingers I type Spilling words, wishes and realisations Finding the […]

Continue Reading

The Impossible Price

Life A collection, completion Moment upon moment Minutes that stretch  into years … Arrival is impossible intangible, elusive And yet we strive, for something, someone anything that will take us forward … Breath and beauty shadow and pain achingly combine Knitted together  seamlessly … What is a moment  worth? When I am […]

Continue Reading

The Ticking Paradox

I think in waves Fingernails in need of a snip Winter beachside holidays My body sharply reminds me  of the sleeping baby’s need for sustenance … I gaze forward in anticipation, wonder hesitation and fear Caught in the moment  the bouquet of uncapped colours strewn haphazardly as if forgotten … […]

Continue Reading


It owns me Directing my thoughts and channelling my steps Feet glued to a track that glides unseen underneath … The shape of obligation of molding myself  holding myself up to a glinting standard of motherhood sisterhood wifedom.  … Its the voice that bites, condemns that offers snarky words of […]

Continue Reading

Mind Games

Not enough.  Whispers communicated through streaked benchtops piles of hastily stacked crockery Windows dotted with evidence of living echo ‘clean, erase, perfect’ … Not enough. Resting is lazy, dwindling the minutes as if they were a luxury ‘What did you accomplish today?’ ‘Why didn’t you go there, be that, fix […]

Continue Reading


I conspire against it biding my time tapping fingernails against the steering wheel  willing life to return  to a ‘normal’ speed again … ‘Slow’ gives me too much space to ask questions to catastrophise, ruminate be Showing up the inconsistencies  A bright, glaring light of truth … Can I learn […]

Continue Reading