How does one parent a whirlwind? It’s a question I find myself pondering as we reach yet another milestone of this wild ride: the final year before the teens.
Eli is a study in contrasts. He is black and white, up and down, calm and fiery. Sometimes I wonder if he somehow ingested the book on childhood development predictions because it seems that ever since the early days of life on this planet, he has been right on schedule. Changes happen right before our eyes, to the very birthday. Testosterone surge due? You’ve got it.
And yet this doesn’t even come close to describing the nuance and complexity of our eldest child. His mind whirrs constantly, ticking over at a breakneck speed to digest information and the cues of those around him. Eli has moved on from his ‘death stare’ that he used to size up other kids at the playground (‘why won’t they play with me, Mum?’) to a cooler reserved assessment which has thankfully resulted in a much more successful social life.
Eli knows exactly what he wants in terms of clothing and accessories. With an iconic red Jordan cap is his trademark, pristine white crocs (thanks Nanny and Pa!), a tech fleece, Nike trackies and a rather ostentatious collection of Prime Hydration, he struts out of the house as if he owns the world.
This year we had the lofty intentions of homeschooling him which lasted a grand total of one month; most of which passed by in a haze of tears (me), perpetual frustration (also me) and tantrums (both of us). Before long we realised that the ideal I had pictured for him (autonomy and independence, the ability to sky-rocket his studies according to his interests, immersive learning, adventurous excursions) just doesn’t translate when the student in question refuses to engage. One month later, he was enrolled in the same school that Dave is teaching at and he hasn’t missed a beat since.
We’ve seen a lot of growth this year, not just in physical terms (Eli is already mere centimetres shorter than I am, and attempts to lord his newfound height over me. Let the record show that I can still beat him in wrestling though!). With the challenge of starting in a new school mid-term and heading off on a four day camp to Canberra a fortnight after commencing, we weren’t sure how he would cope, but he well and truly blew us away with his confidence and enthusiasm. After returning, he was a changed person – fully anchored into his friendships and displaying healthier qualities of leadership and maturity.
For his actual birthday this year, Eli had high hopes of going to Gumbuya World (after being brave enough to enter a radio competition while we were on the way home from school one day and winning tickets), but alas, the weather meant that the much anticipated rollercoasters would be closed. Instead, he invited three friends from his previous school over to hang for the day and watch Transformers at the movies that evening. He requested all his culinary favourites, of course – French toast for breakfast, KFC for lunch and empanadas for dinner, with a choc-mint fudge cake for dessert.
Almost a year ago now, Eli and a close family friend from house church realised their birthdays were mere days apart (although he was turning 12 and she 18), so they concocted a plan to have a joint birthday celebration with a Lion King theme. We all went along with it and finally got to have the big event at my parents’ place (while we were house-sitting due to our own house being repainted) recently. The lion cake was a little bit of a fail in terms of presentation (let’s just say that despite printing a stencil and painstakingly cutting out each tiny piece with a pair of nail scissors and then dusting the exposed areas with gold and yellow sprinkles did not translate into anything resembling a lion), but thankfully the black forest (raspberry instead of cherry) cake was a hit in terms of flavour.
We enjoyed plenty of the birthday stars’ favourite foods (sushi, meat pies, kombucha, chicken skewers, tea sandwiches, salad, garlic bread, trifle and crepes), and the younger set enjoyed the live action remake of the Lion King while the elder of us sat around the table and enjoyed deep conversation.
Another year of Eli has taught me a lot about life. I’m very glad that we listened to his desperate desire to return to school because his ownership of the change has been such a positive turn. Our relationship is much more healthy as a result of not clashing over every minor detail as well. I’ve enjoyed transitioning into the chauffeur stage of parenting – taking him to basketball and youth – as it gives us a chance to chat, listen to music (particularly finding the best drops) and enjoy podcasts together.
Whatever the teen years bring, I am firmly believing that God will carry us through it. We sense such a strong calling of leadership on Eli’s life and we will continue to provide firm boundaries to sharpen and strengthen him into the person that he is designed to be.
…
Dear Eli,
When I look at you sometimes, I see flashes of the cheeky toddler you used to be – the earnest and intelligent boy always up for learning anything or trying something new. We didn’t realise then what an absolute diamond you were – ridiculously clever and capable right from day one. At the time, we just thought it was normal.
Fast forward to now and I am in awe of you in many ways. Sure, we clash over chores and screen time, over the rude comments tossed out to siblings, the slamming of doors and occasional disrespect; but when I step back out of the heat of the moment, I also see your remarkable nature and incredible mind. When you choose to focus and apply yourself, you are unmatched in the speed at which you absorb information. Your memory is like a sponge – neurons firing in all directions making connections all at once.
People listen when you speak. Where you tread, others want to follow. It can be a blessing and a curse, but I believe that you will use it for the glory of the One who gave you this gift. I’ve loved watching you throw yourself into Youth this year, and manage the cheeky antics of the young ones at Kids’ Church. We have no doubt that there are big things in store for you, and that you will be used by God to help the most vulnerable.
Pay attention to that still, small voice. Realign yourself when you go off track. Choose kindness and peace over provocation and insult. Hone the quality of meekness (in its appropriate definition as a sheathed sword): powerful but in check. Evaluate everything. Ask questions. Seek truth. Fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.
May you be ever aware of the unfathomable brilliance of the Lord of every dimension, standing in humble reverence in light of His grace. It is He who crafted you, He who molds you and He who sustains your every breath.
We aren’t perfect by any means and you know more than anyone that we make mistakes. I’m sorry for the times that we get it wrong, coming on too hard, expecting too much from you, losing our cool and yelling back. Always know that our love for you remains unchanged, no matter how frustrated we might be in the moment.
We pledge to support and challenge you, to not let you settle for an average life. We will provide a strong container for you until you are capable of forming your own. When it comes time to hand over that baton, we know that you will forge ahead – confident and formidable.
We love you, Eli.
Forever and beyond.
Love Mum.
