Sometimes it takes a little thing like gastro to change your perspective.
We found out that we are pregnant a few weeks ago, and the discovery brought mixed feelings. Hope, for the promise of a new life; fear, that we will experience the same loss as last time; and reluctant acceptance that the next few months are going to be tough.
Pregnancy does not agree well with my body. I have already started feeling nauseous and like cooking is the last thing in the world I would like to do (a far cry from the usual joy that hospitality brings me). Despite crashing into bed around 8pm each night, I spend most of the day looking longingly at a bed or couch, hoping for just a few minutes rest. And, needless to say, my patience levels have not increased.
And then Dave got gastro. It started with general queasiness on Tuesday night, then progressed to full blown symptoms, and by Friday night he was still under its’ painful grip. We both really struggled, and every twinge of queasiness was a dagger- was I getting it too? What would we do with the kids? How on earth are we going to survive this? How the hell is Dave going to find time to do his marking and reports after losing three full days he would have otherwise put to good use?
Thankfully, one silver lining is that Hudson, who had been regularly waking inconsolably through the night due to teething, started sleeping all the way through again.
And then the storm began to pass and we saw sunlight again. Dave could do more than walk from the bed to the bathroom, and I felt less like a zombie mum staggering from task to task.
Actually, I think the experience has helped us both increase our capacities. I’ve realized I can do more than I first thought, despite feeling continually off, and Dave is now in high power reports mode.
We’re not taking any chances with the gastro and are still sleeping in separate beds for the time being. Last night Dave crept down to my room to share a thought: “The pain is in the adjustment of expectations, not the increase in intensity.”
It really is all about expectations. This pregnancy I’m thinking less about how long I have to go and more about how far I’ve already come. And how quickly time goes when your children are growing up. I think I say once a day how Eli is growing up too fast. We have to enjoy this journey, even the discordant notes. I’m sure we will notice later when we look back how they have been weaved into a majestic melody.