It would seem that I am addicted to ‘self-improvement’.
Stumbling onto methods of better understanding the inner workings of the mind – TED talks, SuperBetter, podcasts, yoga. I consume inspirational memoirs, how-to parenting books, urgently scroll through blog posts in my downtime.
The lightbulb moment is the pinnacle.
I feel like if only I just incorporate this new idea properly into my existence, ‘salvation’ will occur. I subconsciously want to be saved from my messiness, brokenness and chaos.
I place another brick on the pedestal and climb the precarious distance. Each inevitable fall more crushing than the last.
I expect too much – of the ideas and myself.
But I know the truth now, and still I failed?
This morning, reviewing a podcast of an interview between Richard Rohr and Rob Bell, this struck me:
“The path of descent is the path of transformation. Darkness, failure, relapse, death, and woundedness are our primary teachers, rather than ideas or doctrines.”
My Ego keeps nudging me towards the upwards climb.
I must resist. Learn to be, to let go, to embrace the brokenness.
To understand that salvation is found in surrendering to the divine dance – being pulled in again and again by Love.
This post is a part of a link up for Five Minute Friday, a community of fellow writers who write for 5 minutes every Friday together on a prompt.