I hid from my weaknesses for a long time. Pouring myself into another mould – one that I could be proud of, control, contain. When the cracks began to fracture I looked away, then realised resistance would only lead to pain.
My selfless helping, what I had hoped was an expression of my love was, in fact – at its core – calculated to ensure assistance in kind. The vacancy of personal needs – a cover over introspection.
And yet, this glimpse, of myself, the ‘me’ I wanted to run from, has become the vessel of deliverance. The key to unlocking the ‘why’, and asking myself regularly ‘what do I need?’ I’m getting to know the shy girl, the vivacious teen, the straight-laced young adult – and choosing to love what I see.
We are all a little messed up. Telling stories to make sense of the moments, the hurts, the rejections. I guess it is only when we really confront the mirror – no filters – that we can learn to embrace this imperfect reality… and see beauty.
This post is inspired by the Five Minute Friday writing challenge. Each week I join with this talented group of writers, free writing for five minutes in accordance with a prompt. Today’s prompt is ‘accept’.