I’m going to blame Elizabeth Gilbert.

It was her interview with Rob Bell that made me think I needed to be less repressed and learn to be OK with expressing my feelings.

“That sounds like a lovely idea!” I thought, momentarily giddy with inspiration.

The reality is so much different.

I like to contain things. Tie emotions up in beautifully wrapped blog pieces and dust my hands off when I click the ‘publish’ button.

Control, analyse, rationalise, suppress.

Circumstances have conspired to wear me down again this week – a sinus infection, broken sleep, raging hormones, sick children and an unfortunate chopping incident. I’m feeling all the feels, and struggling with the mess and chaos.

I miss the capable ‘me’. But is that really the whole story?

I’m efficient, angry, loving, frustrated, considerate, selfish, generous, prideful and broken.

I’m struggling to love the parts of me that don’t ‘fit’ into my self-ordained puzzle.

I have a suspicion that hunching over my little offering furiously trying to make the pieces fit…is only making me miss the complex beauty of brokenness.

This post is a part of a link up for Five Minute Friday, a community of fellow writers who write for 5 minutes every Friday together on a prompt.

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  1. “Complex beauty of brokenness” – that’s a good way to put it! I can relate to the feeling of not liking yourself at all for the feelings you have and can’t deal with. And missing the younger, better, easier to handle, whatever self. But you are you! May you get to know and love yourself better, despite the mishaps. 🙂 Happy Friday, FMF neighbor!

    1. Thanks Katha! Glad to hear I’m not the only one dealing with these issues 🙂 At least the discomfort means moving forward? As long as I don’t set up camp here anyway!

  2. I love that you shared the whole enchilada, or at least what’s under the wrapper. That’s part of the processing which doesn’t always feel great, but it’s necessary and so helpful in the long run. Keep expressing them. I’ll be reading:)

    1. Thanks so much, Courtney! So glad to hear I’m not the only one! Sometimes it can feel just a little neurotic haha 🙂 Hope you have a weekend filled with rest as well and getting to appreciate these moments in the place you call ‘home’ for now!

  3. “I’m struggling to love the parts of me that don’t ‘fit’ into my self-ordained puzzle.
    “I have a suspicion that hunching over my little offering furiously trying to make the pieces fit…is only making me miss the complex beauty of brokenness.”

    Love this so much! Your words remind that even the moments that don’t “fit” or feel “wrong” are still our moments to be lived fully. Thank you!

    1. Thanks Carey! Love how our broken and messy moments can actually become seeds for growth and inspiration. I’m still learning that it’s ok to share these things even when you don’t have the neat answers and narrative to fit it into 🙂

  4. Oh, I’m so your opposite. I cry at Hallmark commercials. Oh and Rob Bell and Liz Gilbert…that’s a dangerous combo! Over in the 68 spot.

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