Conquering the Dark

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Hudson, our three year old, is afraid of the dark.

All our words go to convincing him that there is nothing to fear, but when we go to head out of his bedroom door, panic sets in.

Sleep eludes us all, whether in the early evening, the middle of the night wakening or the shadow of morning as his urgent feet carry him up to our room, desperate for assurance, for love, for peace.

I fight it, wanting to control, to box, to fix. All my resentment on show. My shadow self insistent on ‘enforcing the rules’.

Moments of realisation, bursts of insight hit through the fog.

He needs you right now.

Not my rules, my containers, the superstitious methods that worked on elder brothers. My son needs a practical love that will meet his need.

To know peace.

These battles will pass. But if I cling to the ways that feel comfortable instead of seeing the person in front of me, I miss a chance to experience love in a measure unknown previously.

Pain bursts open new areas for introspection, for reconciliation….for healing.

This post is a part of a link up for Five Minute Friday, a community of fellow writers who write for 5 minutes every Friday together on a prompt.

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10 comments

  1. Hello, Emma,
    Yes. This: “My son needs a practical love that will meet his need.”I have a lil guy going through the same thing. He’s turned it into a spiritual crisis of his faith. (and he’s only 7–oh, these kids!) Our presence is all they need, right? Not the fixing or glazing over? Let me know how it’s going. I love your stories.

    1. Oh, much empathy and love to you right now! The older they get, the more complex the battles seem to become, hey? And my eldest is only 4 and a half! Thanks so much for stopping by and the encouragement you provide to me – with you in spirit… xx

  2. Emma, yes these battles will pass. I think it can be so easy for us to forget that. I’m over in the #5 spot this week.

    1. Thanks Tara! I need constant reminding of this fact, particularly when I think I can control all the parameters and make the battle just go away and it doesn’t work… makes it feel all the more painful and lengthy 🙂 So great to hear from mothers who have been through it all before and can provide some much needed perspective.

  3. This right here is a beautiful picture of motherhood. You are striving to meet your son right where he’s at, even when it’s hard. I admire that greatly. Praying that his little heart is eased!

    1. Thanks for your kind words, Marie 🙂 It is often so much easier to focus on the things we do wrong, so I appreciate your encouragement so much! Thanks for your prayers also!

  4. Emma, you are doing a great job in listening to what your heart is saying about your son’s needs. You can’t go wrong in loving him into peace and security. Love is a child’s major need. Routines are good but they are often there to be bent or broken. And “these battles will pass” as you so wisely say. Keep leaning into your instincts to nurture, support and reassure your children as they grow. Each new stage requires shifting priorities. One day sleep will be peaceful again for all! Blessed to meet you and be your neighbour at the #FMF link up. 🙂

    1. Thanks so much for the encouragement, Joy 🙂 Much needed after yet another night of many battles… so easy to lose perspective when energy levels are so low 🙁 I’m holding onto the thought that this is transient!!!

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