I’m sitting in the hospital cafeteria, waiting. The buzzer is next to my phone and I keep glancing at it just in case it goes off and I miss it. Hudson is in surgery.
It has been a crazy, emotional, exhausting, enriching, inspiring week. More than ever we have realised the importance of having a community entangled in our lives, not just to share the good stuff but the hard times too. We have had meals delivered, gardens landscaped, boxes packed, kids taken care of, house cleaned and hands held by a community that has really pulled together for us at this difficult time.
Tuesday was the curette for me. Amazingly, my recovery has been very smooth with almost no pain, so the packing for Saturday has been able to continue. Emotionally, we feel more adjusted to the reality that our family numbers four, for now. Physically, I am reveling in not feeling pregnant for no reason anymore and being able to get up easily in the morning and not struggle to keep food down. Our time will come again, but a little break will be well appreciated!
Hudson has had an epic week. On Sunday he finally learnt how to crawl, he is now pulling up to standing and rolling over in his bed. He has learnt to use the potty for number twos, is having his first operation and will move into our new house tomorrow! He has been a different person, so determined, focused and happy. More and more I realise he is very similar to me and I gain a greater empathy for him.
This morning was hard. Holding onto a screaming baby who hasn’t eaten or drunk anything for over 12 hours sucks at the best of times, but a kid who loves his food as much as Hudson (!), nightmare. I held him in my arms as they put him to sleep and barely managed to hold it together. The feeling as you say goodbye and leave your baby lying on a surgical table with strangers, very tough. That and the combination of being in the exact same place with the same smells as Tuesday also made things difficult.
Even though this week has been intense, I feel as if we are feeling life more keenly, the pain and the joy, and turning less to distractions to numb ourselves. Faith is becoming more crucial, less theoretical. Friends are becoming closer and relationships deepening. We are blessed.
There goes that buzzer.