The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I knew today was doomed from the moment I opened my eyes. That feeling of ‘What does today hold? Oh yes, hospital visit.’

Despite the premonition I was actually feeling quite chipper as I strolled into the waiting room. It was as I sat down and realised I had left Hudson’s formula in the car that I collapsed mentally- a ten minute walk away. I eyed Hudson and wondered how long it would be before he lost it… I think I still have time, I thought. Then his name was called and I was almost hopeful- perhaps we will be out of here soon! Nope, of course today would be the day that we would be sent to the x-ray department.

After sounding out the x-ray receptionist I decided to make the dash to the car. Of course nature had decided to release her fury at this very moment, so I was running, in slippery boots, in a downpour, with a pram -what could go wrong? I had a few close calls with the boots and it felt like a few kilometres to the car. As I reached the vehicle I searched frantically for the keys… not in the usual pocket…surely they must be? Five minutes later, and quite a few curses later I found them… under Hudson’s feet. Grabbing the bottles, I made the frantic run back to the hospital.

Of course, when we finally arrived back, me sweating profusely and majorly agitated, Hudson decided to drink a mere 60ml. Thankfully, the wait for the x-ray was brief and we were soon back to the clinic.

The crazy delay between appointments messed with my mind. ‘It’s bad’ I told myself, ‘probably surgery’. Cast for another 6 weeks, inconsolable baby… my life is pretty much over. I may or may not have used the downpour as an excuse to cry on the run to and from the car. Turns out it may be ok, Hudson’s hips aren’t perfect but within normal range… probably no need for the rhino brace, but no promises yet.

After the recent scare with the cyst/fluid lump in his abdomen, I’m finding it difficult. Seems like I should be expecting the worst or at least the ‘definitely not good’. Turns out I don’t deal so well when life doesn’t go according to plan.

I tried to select photos for his photo book today. Didn’t go well. Just looking at the labour and first days’ photos made me cry. I think I have a way to go yet in processing the whole birth experience. Might even need some counselling.. not something I ever thought I would admit to. I guess we all need a little help sometimes.

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