Trading Places

Today marks the twelfth day. Twelve days of having a voice that can barely rise above a whisper. A dozen mornings of frantically signing at the kids to try and get them to eat faster, dress themselves and haul their belongings into the car.

In some ways it has been refreshing. The normal lectures I would have delivered without a second thought have been placed on hold. The unthinking explosions of fury when things careen out of control leave less damage when my tongue becomes disconnected from my thinking mind.

My expectations have been lowered to survival mode. Have the kids been fed today? Check. Have we made it in one piece to school and Kinder? Check. If only we could assess ourselves by this realistic standard more often, not allowing the ‘do it all’ mentality to obscure the foundation of what it really means to be a parent.

The midnight feeds have been like entering other worlds. Hazy eyelids barely propped open as I’ve travelled to Venice Beach, partied in the Mini Winnie, laughed endlessly at the uncanny pearls of wisdom and ridiculous hilarity uttered by Cooler. I’ve stared, unseeing, over the softly lit sheets as school parents duelled over bullying, infidelity and standardised testing at the Piriwee Public Trivia Night, gaze falling with grief as faces change behind closed doors – the perfect image of a husband and father shattered with twisted hatred and indifference.

I like this relaxed existence. These lowered heights for which to leap. Perhaps it takes losing something to find something infinitely more precious in its place…. the gift of presence.

This post is inspired by the Five Minute Friday writing challenge. Each week I join with this talented group of writers, free writing for five minutes (or more in this case) in accordance with a prompt. Today’s prompt is ‘expect’. 

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The Ticking Paradox

I think in waves Fingernails in need of a snip Winter beachside holidays My body sharply reminds me  of the sleeping baby’s need for sustenance … I gaze forward in anticipation, wonder hesitation and fear Caught in the moment  the bouquet of uncapped colours strewn haphazardly as if forgotten … […]

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I conspire against it biding my time tapping fingernails against the steering wheel  willing life to return  to a ‘normal’ speed again … ‘Slow’ gives me too much space to ask questions to catastrophise, ruminate be Showing up the inconsistencies  A bright, glaring light of truth … Can I learn […]

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The Veiled Symphony

There is an undergirding hum of throbbing energy, the tick  of a striding clock. Goosebumps rise on unsuspecting arms as the wind brings an imperceptible  shift. … This breath that I barely acknowledge the pumping of warmth through my veins The ping of human interactions beg for attention away from […]

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The Best Laid Plans…

I knew as soon as I struggled to lift my head from the pillows this morning. Something was off. All the grand plans I had for making the weekend special (after my moping about it not being worth looking forward to) fell in a heap – the warm pumpkin pancakes […]

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Tumbling Thoughts

Sometimes I notice too much. I see the bowing orchids and chastise myself for not watering them. The door slightly ajar to a playroom strewn with toys. The cushions heaped on the couch instead of neatly laid out in a row. I see the yoga mat beckoning me to start […]

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A Place of Happiness

It sits there in the corner – quiet and unassuming, but taking it out has become one of the treasured parts of my day. The soft, cushioning blue undergirds me, supports me as I sit peacefully. Breathing slows, I’m conscious for perhaps the first time that day of my heartbeat. […]

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Uncovering Stillness

It used to scare me a little. The complete peace – disturbed only by the subtle hum of appliances – was too exposing, too raw. Even now, I move quickly to flick on a podcast, to browse through Spotify playlists to set a mood. A mood other than the utter […]

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