It is strange to think that mere days from now – all things going well – we will be cradling a brand new human in our arms. Marvelling at his features, counting fingers and toes, starting at the slightest noises. Wondering how this baby could possibly have been contained within, hidden for so long.
The creation of new life never ceases to be a mystery to me. I expect to feel things, slot into patterns, predict similarities… but the experience continues to surprise me.
As the pains grow stronger, my breath grows more strained, steps become marathon efforts and the lines around my eyes deepen, I look forwards and backwards at the same time. ‘Can it already have been nine months?’ ‘How many more hours can I endure of this?’ ‘Are you still in there?’ ‘How is it all going to play out?’ Tumbling thoughts, conflicting emotions, heightened fears.
I am becoming a shadow. Energy directed inwards, breaths taken for two. Others step up to fill the space I am creating by my emptiness. Where my identity was forged in capability, now it is erased and reformed in presence. Being surrounded by trembling bodies during the ‘scary parts’. Arms outstretched more frequently to seek hugs from my increasingly stationary being.
We are becoming. A void forming to make space for new life. I pause to soak it all in.
This post is inspired by the Five Minute Friday writing challenge. Each week I join with this talented group of writers, free writing for five minutes in accordance with a prompt. Today’s prompt is ‘empty’.