Realisations

Gotta love those times in life when you get squeezed so hard that your true colors show. Unfortunately, my colors were less Van Gogh, more Picasso.

After Thursday night I was already struggling, having battled through a tough day with Hudson and a mammoth hernia related sleep stand off until 1:30am. (And by battled I mean I fumed in bed while Dave did all the hard work!) Hudson has these times, about once a week for the past month now, where he screams hysterically up to 2 hours, then vomits. I took him to the doctors and was redirected to Monash emergency department. Pat was amazing, meeting me at the doctors and taking Eli off my hands for the anticipated long wait at the hospital. We met with the doctor and now have an appointment for Wednesday to meet with the surgeons.

I don’t deal well with the unexpected. And realising more and more I have almost zero ability to control my son’s grumpiness is throwing me big time. I have some hope that this grumpy patch is related to pain, but if it is just personality I’m going to have to adjust to that.

I had a sleepover at Mum and Dad’s last night that was organised by Dave. It is safe to say that my emotional energy had hit an all time low! Dave shipped me off and manned the fort alone, even whipped up some pancakes for the boys in the morning.

During the escape I had a few realisations. Firstly, I have ‘Emotional Amnesia’. If anything has been going on for a while, like this grumpiness, I literally cannot recall a time when it wasn’t like that. Now, if things are going well, the condition is amazing! But, like recently, when things are tough, my outlook becomes catastrophic.

Secondly, when I woke to a peaceful sun filled morning and a hot Milo in bed brought by mum, I leisurely checked Facebook and saw an article ’13 things mentally strong people don’t do’. Well, it turns out that I had been doing at least half the things on that list! Things like not stewing over the realities that you can’t control, not making the same mistakes over and over…That threw me because I consider myself at least somewhat mentally strong.

Needless to say, the combination of realisations has helped me get back on track a little. That, and the ever present blessing of family having your back at every step.

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