Sometimes I notice too much.
I see the bowing orchids and chastise myself for not watering them. The door slightly ajar to a playroom strewn with toys. The cushions heaped on the couch instead of neatly laid out in a row. I see the yoga mat beckoning me to start moving again.
The lists in my head go on for days. I look at Gus and worry that I haven’t taken him to get checked out by the vet recently. When did I last give him heartworm tablets, flea medication? Is Hudson’s cough something I should be concerned about? Have I done enough with Ivy to further her development? Am I being a patient enough mother to counterbalance Eli’s fluctuating emotions at the moment?
Yesterday it was whether I was doing enough to help out the Kinder fundraisers. Interpreting disconnected looks of stress and frustration as a message of my own incompetence or lack of assistance.
It can be a zone of chaos sometimes. Throwing hormones, exhaustion and nausea into the mix doesn’t help. Did I have my vitamins today? Should I really be eating this? What if the medication I’m taking to stop vomiting is harming my baby?
I’m not quite sure what the antidote is. Perhaps it is the wash of intoxicatingly fresh air as I step out of a warm car. The sip of cool water that refreshes me. The framed windows on my walls with invitations to another land. I stop, breathe, slow my pace. Writing becomes my balm.
This post is part of the #Write31Days challenge that I’m participating in along with a talented community of other writers. We free write for five minutes (or more) guided by a prompt. Today’s prompt is ‘notice’.
For more information on 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes, check out Christina Hubbard’s site!